It isn’t about the scribbles. Hell, even we won’t call it art. It’s the snappy little quips inside that will make you click, then cringe. If you aren’t into sarcasm and irreverence, back out now. Certainly don’t bookmark. Otherwise, welcome to Trashmouth Cards, where we proudly say the crap that you are too embarrassed to even think.
Hand drawn. Badly behaved.™
snark and sarcasm is what you pay for. traditional card stock comes free.
Usually inappropriate. always on the mark.
White card. Black ink. One shaky hand-drawn picture. A sentence your friend will read twice, and may have thoughts about. You may have second thoughts about. Hand drawn, badly behaved, every card, every time.
Envelope included, obviously. (well maybe not to everyone, depending on the individual level of common sense. Regardless, it comes with.)
TRASHMOUTH™.
No glitter ✕
No doves ✕ No swirly cursive ✕
Hand drawn, perfectly said ✕
Mild regret included ✕
No glitter ✕
No doves ✕
No swirly cursive ✕
Hand drawn, perfectly said ✕
Ships in a plain envelope ✕
Mild regret included ✕
Pick your
disaster
Sorted by calamity, whoopsie, we mean life event. Everything lands in the shop, categorized and ready to displease.
Birthdays
Age ain’t nothing but a number. That can be calculated by the depth of the wrinkles on your face, rings on your neck, equivalence estimated in relation to angle of boob drop, or in percentage of hair lost.
Breakups
Trash mouthing the trash heap you kicked to the curb. Or maybe they kicked you. Either way, you won’t get fruit flies from garbage lying around and that’s a win.
Work Things
Congratulations on your new task masters. Or climbing a ladder that leads to more responsibility without compensatory pay.
Pet Death
All pets go to heaven. But something to be said for no more 2AM potty runs. In the pouring rain.
the ones people buy in threes (use your fingers, cmon you can do it…)
Repeat offenders
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Christmas Magic Realizations
Christmas magic is real. Until you grow up.
Price range: $5.00 through $6.00 -
Class It Up This Thanksgiving
Wish someone a good Thanksgiving while reminding them we all have to take a turn doing the roasting, or be the one roasted. Again.
Price range: $5.00 through $6.00 -
Falalala LIAR. Try To Enjoy It Anyways.
Wish your friend who always puts their best face forward a happy holiday season.
Price range: $5.00 through $6.00
Can’t count on us for much. But we pinky promise this…
01
Drawn by a human hand
Every design is wobbly black lines drawn by hand (then they get sent to a printer duh! )
02
Printed on plain white stock
Bold enough to stand on a mantelpiece and stare somebody down. No foil. No pastel. No confetti explosion.
03
Mailed in a nosy-proof envelope
Blank outside, chaos inside. The mail room never has to know what you said about your co-worker’s new boss.
people who should know better
“HR asked where I got it. I told them a stranger on the internet with a black marker and no supervision.”
Marcus T.
office menace
“I sent one to my mother. We are still speaking. Barely. Ten out of ten.”
Priya S.
“Said what I couldn’t. Unapologetic and sassy as s&!%.”
Emily D.
“Send one and see what hell awaits you.”
Dante A.
Newer cards. Fewer manners.
We drop mouthfuls of highly inappropriate new offenses when we feel like it. Never holding ourselves to your expectations. See them before your potential target, we mean recipient, does. One email notifying of drop. No “dear valued customer” mumbo jumbo. Unsubscribe whenever you get bored.